Thursday, October 15, 2009

This just in from Apple

Miniature Nuclear Reactor Developed to Power New Iphones...

United Nuclear Labs of Albuquerque, NM has revealed a miniaturized nuclear power module for the Apple Iphone. The module runs on Element 115 and is smaller than a match head yet contains more power than the Hiroshima atomic bomb. Apple has announced that the device will be included on all new Iphone 32 Gig and higher 3GS units shipping as of July 19, 2009. Concerned scientists at Lawrence Livermore Nuclear Laboratory are said to have warned Apple that the unit can be easily converted to a fission bomb with only a paperclip and a tablespoon of baking soda. An Apple spokesman replied "...that the interests of Iphone users transcend any silly concern over obsolete bombs that are unlikely to be used on US territory in any case. Progress will not be sacrificed out of concern for a few hysterical anti-bomb, hippie scientists." In response to the potential threat posed by this new unit, Apple has proposed restricting the purchase of baking soda under the anti-terrorism provisions of the Patriot Act.
Nobel Committee rescinds Obama Award
Breaking news!
Oslo, Norway October 15, 2009
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In a shocking reversal, the Nobel Prize Committee this morning voted unanimously to rescind the award of the Peace Prize to Kenyan presidential impostor Barry Hussein O'bama. A committee spokesman said that the decision was made after assessing the outraged response of the American online community and in particular from the well known eccentric web site Amkon.net and that site's senior janitor Mr. Birther-Truther Skunk. "That boy is not only a lazy bastard but a Kenyan spy planted to disrupt our long and hard-won traditions of white superiority and patriotism," said Mr. Skunk in an exclusive BE News interview.

More on this story as it develops. Please stay tooned.